


Sweet Transvestite

by overall_sin_and_trash



Category: Supernatural
Genre: And there is a bit of smut, Bottom Lucifer (Supernatural), Dean stop ditching Sammy, Eventual Smut, Humor, I didn't describe to much so it's not tHAt smutty, It's mainly humor tho, M/M, Okay there is a lil angst, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-13
Updated: 2018-02-04
Packaged: 2018-12-06 16:51:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 6,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11604822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/overall_sin_and_trash/pseuds/overall_sin_and_trash
Summary: Dean ditches Sammy at a bar while on a case. Lucky for his horny ass, a certain angel (who you'll know if you read the tags) appears and is just as horny.After some YOU KNOW WHAT, said angel has to stay in the bunker with the gang. For reasons I do explain.It's kinda crack, because it's humorous, but it does cover some really serious things.TRIGGER WARNINGS: Suicidal thoughts, past sexual abuse, and alcoholism.





	1. Sirens and Very Bad Choices

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by Mark Pellegrino saying that Lucifer would walk into a bar with mascara and high heels on.

Sam Winchester was tired. Dean had left him to work the case when he found a lady to hook up with back at the hotel. So here he was, alone at a crowded club looking for a siren, a very sneaky one at that. He had been there for at least 45 minutes already, and the siren was still a no show, and Sam made the executive decision that he needed a drink. He flagged the bartender and ordered his drink, feeling slightly better once he began to drink it. The crowd was rambunctious as ever, dancing and drinking as the DJ played songs from her soundboard. Sam wasn’t much of a dancer, he didn’t think he was any good to be honest. Just as he was considering getting in the Impala and taking a quick nap the unexpected happened. The club door opened like it had so many times before, and in walked the one and only Lucifer. Sam nearly dropped his beer. Upon further inspection, he noticed that Lucifer was wearing both heels and mascara. Sam’s heart skipped a beat. Why was he here? What was he planning? He had so many questions but Lucifer seemed to only be there to have fun. Sam watched as guys hit on the angel, who lead the men on briefly before disappearing back into the crowd. Picking back up the discarded beer bottle, Sam figured what the Hell, he’d go talk to him. He downed the rest of the beer and waltzed over to The Devil in a slight daze.  
“Sam Winchester!” Lucifer giggled, waving an empty glass loosely in the air. “Hi!”  
Sam looked him over quickly, he was wearing a green midriff top, skinny jeans, bright red lipstick, heels, and mascara. Sam blamed the beer, but he felt disturbingly attracted.  
“What are you doing here?” He asked, trying to suppress any odd thought that wandered across his mind.  
Lucifer just laughed and shrugged. He was dancing ever so slightly, rocking his hips back and forth to the beat of the music. He was smart enough to know exactly what he was doing to poor Sam, and he had no intentions of stopping any time soon.  
Sam held his breath as his eyes wandered to Lucifer's hips. The beer was taking it's affect, it must have been, for in that moment time froze and he leaned, locking lips with The Devil.  
Lucifer was shocked at how suddenly Sam snapped, but he didn't object as the taller man deepened the kiss. Hands wandered over his body without hesitation. Sam broke the kiss, grabbing him by the arm and dragged him through the crowd swiftly. Within seconds they were outside and in the dark alley behind the club, making out violently with Lucifer pressed against the wall. Sam was ensnared by the moment, so much so that he didn't feel his phone vibrating in his pocket. His hands moved to Lucifer's pants and the Morning Star was shocked, scared even. Was he going to admit that he was a virgin? Certainly not. It was Sam Winchester, free sex was one thing but when it was the guy you'd been trying to posses for the past few months, you just couldn't pass that up. Well, Lucifer couldn't pass it up if he wanted to, due to how incredibly drunk he was.  
"Pants." Sam demanded suddenly.  
Lucifer cocked his head to the side. "Gee, I dunno Sam, maybe take me to dinner first." He remarked with a smirk. Sam rolled his eyes, pulling down the angels scandalously short shorts to his ankles. Much to his surprise, said angel was wearing lacy pink panties, which explained how he wore anything under those shorts of his.  
"Really?" Sam asked with a laugh what a night this already was.  
Lucifer glared in indignation. "Fuck you, Sam Winchester."  
Pressing his face closer, Sam whispered into Lucifer's ear, "Feisty thing, aren't ya?" He pulled away, moving a hand towards the eloquent lace. "Lucky for you I think that's hot." He grinned. The angel bit his lip, withholding any sounds desperately as Sam stroked the growing bulge in his underwear. No one had done something like that to him in centuries, last person being Michael back in the days where they didn't try to kill each other. Sam's smile stretched longer as his hand snaked into Lucifer's lingerie. Lucifer had to hide the look of shock on his face as his finger circled his entrance. Slowly, Sam slid a finger in, stretching his out before adding a second finger. Lucifer cried out suddenly as a finger struck his prostate.  
"Oh, he speaks!" Sam joked, repeating the movement quickly.  
Lucifer moaned lightly, tasting the blood from biting his lips too hard. "Don't tease me!" He tried to sound menacing, but his voice was shaking far too much for him to sound anything but that. Sam pulled him in, kissing him violently and pulling down the angel's underwear wordlessly. He pulled away only to unzip his own pants, leaving Lucifer breathless against the wall.  
"You ready?" Sam asked, lining himself up with Lucifer's entrance.  
Lucifer nodded hastily, lacking the breath to actually speak.  
Sam grabbed his hips and thrust in fast. Lucifer cried out in shock at the sudden intrusion. "Sam!" Oh, Sam would be lying if he said that the thrill having the power to draw such sounds from a being like Lucifer. Having sex with an angel was one thing, but an archangel? Lucifer could snap his fingers and kill him instantly, but here he was, moaning like a bitch all for Sam Winchester, the man he was supposed to hate. The two fell into a steady pace after a minute, Sam sucking roughly on Lucifer's neck.  
"Oh for fuck's sake, Sam, don't be so gentle, I'm not made of gl--" He didn't have time to finish complaining as Sam sped up suddenly, turning his words to a scream of pleasure.  
Sam smiled, eyes gleaming with mirth. "You were saying?" He asked in a deep voice. Lucifer didn't even care about his back being rubbed raw against the course wall of the building, at this point he could barely think. A hand flew to his mouth, trying to silence the moans that kept escaping his mouth to no avail. Pools of precome soaking into his shirt, and he could feel himself reaching the edge.  
Sam noticed how close the angel was, taking his leaking length into his hand and stroking him slowly.  
Lucifer moaned louder than he had before. "Sam I-I'm gonna--" He gasped.  
"Nuh-uh." Sam said, "You have to ask nicely."  
The Devil moaned loudly. "Sam! Sam please!" He begged.  
"Oh, please what?" Sam growled.  
Lucifer nearly began to cry. "Let me cum! Sam, please let me cum!" He cried.  
Sam pretended to think about it for a moment, still thrusting in brutally. "Well, go on." He ordered, and Lucifer complied, keening and throwing his head back.  
Sam was close to follow, filling the shuddering angel finally. He let Lucifer down again, who instantly dropped to the ground in exhaustion.  
"You should-- you should probably head back to Dean, probably worried." He said as he carefully put his underwear and pants back on.  
Sam's face paled. "Crap, I forgot about that." He whipped out his phone to see missed calls and a voicemail. "Thank you Lucifer!" he cried as he ran back to the Impala quickly.  
While Lucifer didn't really know why the younger Winchester was thanking him, it made him feel oddly happy.  
The Impala started up, tires screeching as it sped as it sped back to whatever run down motel the brother's were staying in.  
Sam called Dean as he drove.  
"Sammy! Where have you been?!" Dean demanded.  
"I've been at the bar, sorry, it's loud in there, didn't hear you calling." Sam lied.  
"Fine. Anyways, I found our siren. Turns out Miss Princess was too good to be true." Dean sighed.  
Sam chuckled. "Dean, anyone who's name is 'Princess' and offers free sex is probably a siren of some sort."  
"Yeah yeah, just get your ass back here." He grumbled.  
"I'm almost there, just a few minutes." Sam promised.  
"And Sam? Don't you dare get a scratch on Baby."


	2. Back in the Bunker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Dean disposed of the siren, and drove back to the bunker where Cas was waiting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's really short lmao

"Dean." Cas said quietly once Sam left the room. "Sam had sex with an angel."  
Dean nearly choked on his beer. "Wait, Cas, what?! How the Hell do you even know that?!"  
"I can feel grace lingering on him, we can check who it was by looking at his wrist." Cas replied cooly.  
"Can you tell if he was like, on bottom or on top?" Dean asked, still confused.  
"If he has markings on his wrist than he was on top." Cas confirmed.  
Sam walked in at that moment. "What's wrong?" he asked upon seeing both of their expressions.  
Cas walked over to him, grabbing his arm and holding it up to reveal Enochian written on his wrist.  
Dean dropped the bottle, shattering it on the ground. "SAM!" He yelled. "Cas! Cas who was it?!" He asked.  
"It was..." Cas trailed off. "Really Sam? Lucifer?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.  
Dean lost it. "YOU FUCKED LUCIFER?! SAM WHAT THE FUCK?! He screamed.  
Sam realized the dire situation he was in and did what any man who happened to have banged Satan would have done, he ran.  
The chase lasted forever, Cas just sitting annoyed in the library.  
It was clear to everyone that Sam was never going to be left to his devices ever again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sammy you fucked up. Big time.


	3. Dean's Gonna Kill Sammy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean catches Sam FINALLY and lectures him. Then the go on a case.

Sam had been caught by his brother eventually, who slapped him hard across the face for good measure. Castiel was slightly disturbed that out of all his brothers and sisters available, Sam banged Satan. He didn't want to hurt anyone's feeling though, so he made himself a PB&J and acted like he actually needed it.  
"Sam, we've spent years trying to kill him or stay away from him, explain to me why you banged him, I just want to hear how bad your excuse is gonna be." Dean glowered.  
Sam deadpanned. "He was wearing makeup and I was drunk."   
Dean barely hide the slight shock that flashed across his face momentarily. "Okay, I stand corrected, what the Hell?! I mean, really?!"  
Sam shrugged. "Angels don't have the same gender standards as humans do, right Cas?" He said, turning to the angel at the table.  
"It's a matter of what we want to wear, yes, we don't really have genders in our proper forms, so anything goes." Castiel answered in his ever deep voice. "The same goes for sexuality, we might have preferences with human vessels or beings, but we don't mind going either way. I never saw him much, he was cast out when I was young, but Lucifer has always taken an interest to men, he prefers them but I'm sure wouldn't mind all that much to being with a woman." He added.   
Dean sighed. "Okay, so Lucifer is apparently the gayest angel ever, but Sam?! I mean, you do you, but you never told me that you were bisexual!"   
"He's the only guy I've ever been attracted to, that's why!" Sam cried.  
Dean laughed quietly, sipping his beer and looking at Castiel tiredly. "My brother is only gay for Satan." He chuckled, turning to Sam.  
"HOW DOES THAT MAKE IT ANY BETTER!" He cried, arms thrown high in exasperation.

Hours later, the guys were in the car, monster bound. Sam was sitting in the back, having been replaced with Cas because "He didn't have sex with The Devil."  
It was all silent until a soft swishing sound caught their attention. Sam screamed, seeing Lucifer sitting next to him suddenly. Lucifer screamed as well, unsure of what was going on. Dean nearly crashed the car before violently pulling over to the side with a screech.   
"Sam! What the--" He saw Lucifer and screamed.  
Castiel already knew Lucifer was there, he just ate yet another sandwich without looking up at the three screaming dudes that accompanied him.  
Once everyone stopped screaming, Sam spoke.  
"Lucifer!" He cried, "Why are you here?!"  
Lucifer looked sincerely concerned. "What!? Why would I know!?" He said in a shrill voice.  
Dean looked to Cas in blind panic. "Cas! You have any idea what's going on!"   
Castiel looked up tiredly, "Lucifer and Sam can only be so far apart now, if they aren't Lucifer will unconsciously appear next to him." He said.  
"Wait, why?!" Lucifer asked, still panicked.  
Dean glared at his brother and back at Lucifer. "Because Sammy here banged Satan."  
Lucifer looked like he genuinely wanted to go back to the cage. "Okay that explains a lot." He groaned. "This is why I don't drink."  
Dean nearly laughed at how horrified Lucifer looked in that moment. "Can't you just zap outta here?" He asked.  
"No, he can't." Cas cut in. "He's bonded to Sam, has to listen to him and stay with him."   
Dean laughed this time, seeing how pale Lucifer went. "So The Devil is Sam's bitch? That's actually kinda awesome."  
Dean would later admit he deserved it when Sam leaned forward and slapped him.


	4. Back in the Bunker... Again

~~~~The four turned around, abandoning the case and heading back to the bunker at a loss of what to do. Lucifer was cuffed with enchanted braces that made sure he was unable to use his powers. Sam dragged him in, Dean and Castiel walking behind them slowly and glowering judgmentally. On the way in, Lucifer tripped, sending both him and Sam tumbling down the long staircase. They landed with a painful thud, Sam sprawled out on top of the archangel.  
"Oh not this again." Lucifer groaned with a weak smile.  
Sam rolled his eyes at the other.  
Dean appeared at the top of the staircase with Castiel's solemn face hovering over his shoulder. "Can you two keep your hands off each other for one second?" He asked dryly.  
Lucifer glared up at the man. "We fell down the stairs you fucking moron!" He hissed.  
The older Winchester chuckled ever so slightly. Lucifer and Sam stood up slowly, Sam nursing a sore elbow gently. Dean and Castiel came down from the top of the stairs and followed Sam to their destination once more. Lucifer looked thoroughly displeased with the entire situation at hand. No one bothered telling _him_ where they were going, _no_ , the trio used their weird ass natural telepathy to understand each other, and he had to be blindfolded. Don't get him wrong, he quite enjoyed the idea of being blindfolded, but this time was an exception from his weird fantasy. Lucifer was ripped out of his thoughts as they reached the secret room. It was dark and nearly empty in the room, save for a restraining chair in the dead center. Dean shoved him onto the chair roughly, catching him off guard. Sam and Castiel tied him to the chair swiftly before looking back at him.  
"This is only temporary, just until you can be trusted." Sam reassured him.  
"If." Dean grumbled as he walked away. "If he can be trusted."  
Sam followed, leaving Castiel behind. Castiel looked down at his brother, lips twitching as he tried to find the words he wants to say. Alas, he couldn't find them, and waddled to the door awkwardly.  
"Castiel?" Lucifer asked quietly.  
The other angel turned quickly. "What is it?" He answered softly.  
The Devil choked on his words as he began to say them. "I-I--" he sputtered. "It's nothing, nothing at all."  
Castiel eyed him suspiciously before waking out and shutting the door behind him, leaving Lucifer in complete darkness.  
Lucifer couldn't see at all. His chest felt heavy and his breathing became labored.  
"Hello, brother." A familiar voice chuckled in the darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who's the spooky new guy???  
> We shall see


	5. Break Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poor boy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess who aIN'T DEAD  
> ME

Lucifer began to cry unwillingly. "You're not real, Michael!" He yelled.  
"Why do you say that, brother?" Michael asked, his voice ricocheting off the stone bunker walls.  
Lucifer scowled, though it wasn't like anyone could see him. "I just know." He hissed, tears streaming down his face steadily.  
Laughter filled the room, melodic and sweet, but bone chilling to Lucifer's ears. The darkness danced with malevolent whispers but it wasn't like Lucifer even cared.   
"Really? You just know?" Michael snickered.  
"You... you wouldn't taunt me, the real you would never taunt me." He whimpered.  
Michael laughed once more. "Oh, little brother, I was going to kill you, I am going to kill you."  
"You were just doing what you thought was right."  
"It was right." Michael stepped closer. "You're a monster."  
Lucifer sobbed louder at the too-familiar words. "I'm not!" He screamed. "I'm not!"

~~~

Meanwhile, the Winchester's and Castiel were debating what to do with Lucifer.  
"So we've locked Satan in our basement, it sounds like a bad teenage horror movie." Dean said with a weak smile. "Y'know, one where someone always ends up pregnant by the end? Maybe this time Satan will be the pregnant one, I don't even know what to expect anymore."  
Sam glared and Cas let out a long sigh.  
"Can we not talk about impregnating my brother, i don't need that drama all over again." The angel said, annoyance clear in his voice.  
Dean was about to ask him what he meant when Sam cut him off.  
"We locked the door, right?" Sam asked gravely.  
Dean turned to Castiel slowly. "Cas...?"  
Castiel smiled awkwardly, color drained from his face. "Uh, well..." he recalled desperately. "I--uh.... I don't know."  
"It's not like he could have gotten anywhere..." Sam said defensively.  
Dean turned his head towards his brother slowly, wearing the ultimate bitch face. "Oh, but he could have… Satan-Fucker."  
The brothers exchanged a look before the followed Castiel down the stairs quickly.  
Castiel was the first to the door, relaxing as he saw that it was, in fact, locked. He sighed in relief. "It's all right, Dean, the door is--" the angel was cut off by the sound of Lucifer screaming.  
Everyone, even Dean, paled.  
"We need to get him out of there." Castiel said quickly.  
Dean bit his lip. "Cas, what if he's faking it?" He said quietly.  
Castiel's face turned sour, but his words never had the chance to be said.  
"Michael!" Lucifer screamed, obviously sobbing. "I'm sorry! I'm pathetic, I'm worthless, I--" his screams faded only to sobs as the chair tipped over.  
Sam flung open the door and nearly fell inside, flipping on the lights desperately.  
"Lucifer!" Sam cried, spotting the angel sobbing on the ground.  
Dean swore loudly and ran to him, untying his hands and feet quickly.  
Lucifer curled into a ball and continued crying, refusing to show his face.  
"Brother? Brother it's okay!" Castiel attempted to calm him to no avail.  
Lucifer shook like a scared kitten. "I'm sorry I'm sorry!" He kept repeating.  
Castiel raised his head. "Sam, Dean, leave us." He commanded.  
"But--"  
"GO!"  
The Winchester boys filed out quickly, leaving the angels alone.  
"Lucifer..." Castiel said quietly in Enochian. "You're gonna be okay, Michael isn't here. You are safe with us, alright?"  
Lucifer nodded slowly and sat up cautiously.  
Castiel held him bridal style, disturbed by how frail the devil really was. “You can lay down in one of the spare rooms, okay? It’s just a few doors from my room.” He whispered.  
He walked past Sam and Dean wordlessly, not needing or wanting their approval. Lucifer kept mumbling apologies, things like ‘it won’t happen again’ and ‘I’m so sorry I’m so pathetic.’ When he arrived at said guest room he laid Lucifer gently on the bed, tossing him an extra blanket if he didn’t want to be under the heavy comforter. Lucifer looked like a sleeping child, curled up there. Castiel didn’t know how to feel about him anymore. He stepped outside to find the two men waiting.  
“What the Hell was that?” Dean mouthed, eyes blown wide.  
Sam glared at his brother and punched him between the legs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'LL BE FUNNY NEXT CHAPTER LMAO SORRY FOR THIS


	6. Donnie Darko Shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again I've disappeared and returned. Hey y'all!

Dean grumbled as they sat back down at the table. "So, this is the situation." He began.  
Castiel and Sam looked at him intently, wondering if he'd say something that wasn't sarcastic or stupid.  
"Lucifer is batshit crazy, and my balls hurt." He went on, throwing a look at his brother as he said the final remark.  
Castiel frowned. "Must you talk about him like that?"  
Dean scoffed. "I'm just saying, he was seeing things and screaming about--"  
There was a slam and Castiel brought his fist to the table. "Dean!" He shouted. "How dare you! When it's your brother seeing things it's a tragedy, but when it's mine it is just laughable!"  
"Cas, woah--"  
His anger was both apparent and understandable. "Have you asked him what it's like?! You have no idea what Sam went through! And whatever Lucifer is going through? It's a whole lot worse. So you, Dean Winchester, need to stow your crap!"  
The room fell silent immediately. No one understood fully what was going on. They all remained there, for maybe an hour, before Castiel spoke again.  
"We have to help him." He said quietly. "He's broken nearly beyond repair."  
At this moment, Lucifer trudged in wearing a t shirt that might be too small and shorts that definitely were. "I am not." He mumbled. "I am perfectly fine and there is no need to worry."  
Sam looked up at him. "Lucifer... do you want to talk...?"  
"No."  
"About your brother?"  
Lucifer clenched his fists. "This has nothing to do with Michael."  
"Really?" Sam mused. "You have a lot of brothers, no one said it had to do with Michael.  
Lucifer scowled. "Just shut up! Shut up!" He hollered. "It doesn't matter what's wrong with me, and it's not like you care! I came here to say I'm sorry, not for this!"  
He began to storm off but Sam caught his wrist. "Lucifer, don't. We want to help you, but we don't understand."  
Lucifer growled. "Every time I close my eyes I can see him, laughing at me. Sometimes he's there even when my eyes are still open. Blah blah, all that Donnie Darko shit. I'm sure you understand, Sammy."  
Sam understood, of course, and let him go.  
Lucifer stalked away to the bathroom near his room and picked up the razor emblazoned with the Men of Letters symbol. He smeared the cream over his face and carefully glided the razor across his face.  
"Morning, Morning Star!" Michael chirped, appearing suddenly in the mirror.  
Poor Lucifer screamed, cutting his cheek against the blade. "Damnit, Michael!" He cried, nursing his slit cheek.  
Michael hummed contently and sat himself on the side of the bath tub. "So, you're hanging with the Winchester boys now?"  
"Is that a necessary question?" Lucifer sighed, cleaning the blood off his face.  
Michael frowned. "Alright then, next question: you sleeping with Sam Winchester? Cause if I'm not mistaken that's not his job."  
Lucifer repressed the urge to turn and face him, he just kept shaving. "Well it isn't yours either, now is it?"  
"Yes, it is, because I'm--"  
This time, Lucifer did turn around. "No." he said quickly. "You are not him."  
Michael frowned again, standing up as Lucifer stormed out the room. "Oh come on, brother! When will you face the facts?!" He cried.  
Lucifer kept walking. "You are not my brother! You aren't even real!" He hissed through a clenched jaw.  
"...Lucifer..?" A small voice said. It was Castiel, standing at the corner of the hall and looking very concerned.  
There was obviously awkwardness between them.  
"Castiel." Lucifer said,'looking down.  
Castiel got closer. "Are you alright?"  
"Yeah, Luci. You okay?" Michael said, his grin obvious in his voice.  
Lucifer paused, unsure of what to say.  
Both Castiel and Michael leaned forward.  
"I'm fine. I'm fine." He mumbled. "Now you two can shove off." He added, as walked past the seraph and towards his room.  
With a triumphant grin, Michael marched along with Lucifer, content with the damage he had done and was doing.  
"Hmm..." Castiel mused. "'Two of you'..."  
Then he said fuck it and went to see the boys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick question: how old do y'all think I am? Idk just wondering


	7. Castiel Has a Plan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short one today lol

"Hey, assbutts!" Castiel called as he walked into the kitchen.  
Sam looked surprised. "Hi Cas...?"  
"We need a plan." Castiel said firmly.  
Dean snorted. "Wow, if only someone had been bringing that up for hours..."  
Castiel glared down at the currently seated hunter. "Shut your beautiful mouth Dean, shut it."  
Dean looked like he was going to say something, but was ultimately it off by Castiel continuing. "I have a plan. We be nice to the guy until he feels comfortable to tell us, okay?"   
"What, why?!" Dean cried, after choking on his coffee.  
"Oh come on!" Castiel said, exasperated. "It's not like you have to fuck him!"  
There was a pause, Castiel side-eyed the other Winchester who was pretending to be invested in the floor. "I mean, I guess you _could_."  
Said other Winchester shuffled. "Um-- I found a case not to far from here... figured we should check it out."  
At that, finally, Castiel smiled. "Great! I'll get Lucifer." And marched right back up the stairs.  
"Well." Dean grunted as he sat up. "We're gonna die."  
"What, why?"  
"I have my money on the fact that Lucifer kills us and then moves on."  
Sam rolled his eyes. "Dean, he is bound to my body, if I'm dead he has to lug around my corpse."  
"No, he could burn your body and keep the ashes in some kinda locket." Dean replied.  
Again, Sam rolled his eyes. "C'mon, Dean, he wouldn't do that."  
"Have you met the guy? He seems like the kinda guy to do just that!"  
"Have _you_ met the guy?" Sam hissed. "He's lonely, Dean. He's just lonely."  
There was a moment of silence.  
"And I've done more that meeting him."  
Dean yelled into his coffee, which meant coffee spewed out his mouth and into the relatively clean floors. "We do not need to bring that up!"


	8. What the Chuck?!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THE CHAPTER NAME  
> I'M SORRY

The doorbell rang.  
Lucifer, who had been moping around the library, was currently the only one in the bunker. He got up walked to the door.  
He opened it to reveal the one and only-- Chuck Shurley.  
"Hi, son." He said, smiling.  
Lucifer frowned. "Only because I'm pretty sure you won't kill me, and I'm lonely, I'll let you in."  
Chuck nodded. "Thank you."  
They walked in, but Lucifer paused before going down the stairs. "Why are you here?"  
Chuck shrugged. "Thought you might want to see me."  
"I literally don't even like you."  
Chuck frowned. "Aw, really?"  
Lucifer deadpanned. "This is how I feel every time I'm with you." And he leaned back, falling down the stairs.  
Chuck peeked over the railing. " _Ouch, _that one hurts."__  
"I'm the one who just fell down the damn stairs."  
Chuck shrugged and walked down the stairs. "How are you?" He asked.  
Laughing bitterly, Lucifer stood up. "Feels better to be out of the Cage-- the one _you _put me in."__  
"No, your brother did."  
Lucifer tensed. "On _your _orders." He hissed.__  
Michael took this moment to appear. "Okay _when _are you gonna stop telling yourself that?" He said, exasperated.__  
"Michael I will slit your throat and watch you bleed out if you don't shut the Hell up."  
Michael pretended to be hurt and sat down.  
Chuck was looking mildly horrified. "Okay, so you've gone crazy."  
"I'm not crazy, he is!" Lucifer cried, pointing at technically nothing. (To him it was Michael.)  
Chuck paused. "Yeah no, that's not how you answer that."  
They stared at each other for a moment, it would have been quiet but Michael was imitating a submarine or some shit.  
"Okay I've had enough of all this, I'm sleeping." Lucifer grumbled, disappearing off to his room.  
Michael followed him happily, singing a nursery rhyme.  
Chuck looked off to the kitchen. He decided that in order to appease the Winchester's he would need to make food. And get beer. A fuck ton of beer. Bacon wasn’t a bad idea, pancakes seemed a bit to childish. It’s also harder to look angry while eating pancakes, and Dean probably would try his best to look more pissed than he actually was.So Chuck wandered into the kitchen and made bacon. He burnt the first batch, and the second, and the third… but in a matter of hours he had given up and granted himself the ability to make _damn good _bacon.__  
At some point Lucifer had wandered down, still half asleep, and stole some of the burnt bacon.  
Needless to say Chuck was disappointed in his favorite son, because that _heathen _apparently liked _burnt bacon. _____  
He sighed, and grabbed maple syrup, placing it on the table. He couldn’t remember if the boys liked maple syrup with bacon.  
_But Gabriel did. ___  
There was a clatter as the entrance door opened.  
In walked Sam, Dean, and Castiel, looking equally worn out.  
“Well what happened to you?” Lucifer, who was apparently sitting outside the kitchen and eating ( _burnt _) bacon, said.__  
Sam looked down at him. “Well, we found--”  
“Hello, Luci.” Gabriel’s voice said.  
Lucifer choked on his bacon. “Either I’m now also seeing Gabriel in my head, or you ran into that candy loving gremlin,.”  
Dean shook his head, and Gabriel walked out from behind them.  
“ _Damn _you are short.” Lucifer laughed. “Why are you here, anyway?”__  
Gabriel beamed. “I’m here mainly to annoy you, and I have nothing better to do than help the Winchesters.” He paused. “And, I might add, I could ask the same of you.”  
Lucifer took another bite. “Sammy fucked me. I’m stuck here now.”  
Sam groaned and walked down the stairs.  
“HE DID _WHAT _?!” Chuck hollered, running into the room with a spatula raised.  
“Oh yeah, he’s here.” Lucifer mumbled. __

___The next half hour was made up of Sam screaming, Chuck chasing him with the spatula, Gabriel and Michael laughing their asses of, Dean banging his head against a table, and Lucifer eating more bacon._ _ _


	9. Gabriel

Gabriel had been in the bunker for two weeks now, and the Winchester's were managing surprisingly well. He had been eating sweets nonstop, but it wasn't all that bad because who minds finding random candy on a table? Who?  
Lucifer was glad to have him back, and boy did they share some Man-Shaped Celestial Being Pain™ when they thought the Winchester's were not around.  
Chuck was just kinda there. He made breakfast a lot, and even watched TV with the gang. (Hell's Kitchen with Lucifer, Cupcake Wars with Gabriel, and the news with Sam, Cas, and Dean.)

It wasn't, contrary to the popular belief, a miracle Lucifer forgave his father. Frankly, he was just to tired to be angry. And that tired feeling could be traced back to Michael. Not the real Michael, the looney one in the Cage, but Lucifer's twisted rendition of him. The extra bitchy one.

Today seemed like a nice day, surprisingly. Lucifer had waken up from a nightmare at midnight and fell back asleep after only two hours of desperately quieted yet still manic sobbing. New record.  
After that, he had pancakes and whip cream in the shape of a smiley face, whilst stubbornly refusing to admit he liked it, and being horrified at the quantity of maple syrup on Gabriel's food and actual face.  
Then, Sam let him help translate some kinda spell for a while, which had seemed like a fun idea at first. It wasn't. At all.  
And now it was lunch, which couldn't be bad.

It wasn't like this was a fanfic with unnecessary angst written by a middle schooler...

So he walked to the 'dining room' and sat down with the others.  
"You alright?" Asked Chuck as he sat down.  
Lucifer cocked his head.  
"Aw, dad." Gabriel chuckled. "Why wouldn't he be?"  
At this, Lucifer put on a smile. "Yeah, Dad, why wouldn't I be?"  
Chuck was stone cold. "You don't have to lie to me, Lucifer."  
Tension passed through the room.  
"I'm not." Lucifer replied bitterly.  
Chuck furrowed his brow. "Yes, you are!" He snapped.  
Lucifer stood up to meet his father's gaze levelly. "Why can't you jut believe me for once in my life?!"  
Chuck lunged at Lucifer and grabbed him by the wrist.  
"Father!" Gabriel cried, jumping to his feet.  
"I know you're lying!" Chuck hissed.  
Lucifer was trembling, as this reminded him of so much. He refused to be seen as weak, so he kept scowling. "How?!"  
Chuck's grip tightened. "Your eyes are still red and swollen, you look so damn tired and you have never been this afraid!"  
Lucifer's eyes betrayed him. He began to cry.  
"Fuck you." He whispered as tears dripped down his chin.  
Gabriel was horrified.  
"Just fuck you." Lucifer repeated before snatching his wrists back and running to his room.  
The Winchester's chose this time to walk in.  
"What'd you do to him!?" Dean cried, surprised at how much he cared. "What the hell did you do to him!?"  
Chuck looked down at his feet in shame as Gabriel ran off to follow his older brother.  
He really did suck at being a father.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for my lack of content, I've been in school, and I was behind on work. :(  
> But I'm here now! And to commemorate you wonderful readers, I will be posting a Christmas chapter AND a new, unrelated, Samifer and Destiel holiday fic TOMORROW!  
> Happy Holidays! <3


	10. Repairs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah I realized that this fic is set no where near Christmas so that festive chapter obviously didn't happen in Christmas Day like I said. I did publish that other fic on Christmas tho...

Gabriel threw open his brother's bedroom door.  
Lucifer was curled up in a ball on the bed and crying.  
"Lucifer?" Gabriel asked quietly as he closed the door.  
Lucifer didn't respond.  
Gabriel sat on the bed next to him. "Hey," he whispered. "What's wrong."  
Lucifer sniffled loudly and sat up slowly. "He's not wrong, you know. I'm not okay."  
"What?"  
"In the Cage--" Lucifer shuddered. "It messes with your head the longer you try to escape, to bend the bars, or use grace."  
Gabriel didn't follow. "And?"  
"He didn't listen to me." Lucifer was talking fast now, breathing rapidly. "I told him to stop but he didn't listen to me! He went crazy! And-- and--"  
Gabriel was concerned. He put his hands in Lucifer's trembling shoulders. "What happened?" he asked, trying to remain calm.  
"Gabriel." He said weakly. "He r--" his voice cracked, he tried again, softer than intended. "He raped me."  
Tears began to slide down both angel's faces.  
Lucifer began sobbing. "I can see him now, Gabriel, he's in my head."  
"No." Gabriel said. "He's not real. I'm real." He laid Lucifer down and began to cuddle him. "This is real."  
Lucifer calmed steadily, content in his brother's arms.  
"I love you." Gabriel whispered into Lucifer's blond hair. "I won't let anything happen again."  
Lucifer hummed happily. "I know."  
"Now go to sleep, Solo." Gabriel added with a chuckle.  
Lucifer slept for hours.

\--

Gabriel was a good guy. He always had been. Making people laugh was his passion. Now he had a new goal: repairing his older brother to the (overly) snarky angel that he used to be. But how would he do it?   
He asked himself: What does an emotionally repressed and anxiety filled person need to start feeling better?  
Of course he didn't know. So he asked the smartest person he knew.  
Google.  
Within ten minutes he had went to the store a bought a special something for the special someone. It was a nice something, long, skinny, with a large head.  
He knocked on Lucifer's door with a gift proudly wrapped and in his arms. Lucifer opened the door and immediately looked puzzled.   
"Gabriel, I--"  
"No." Gabriel cut him off quickly. "You've been feeling down, and I heard these things bring a lot of pleasure to people."  
Lucifer took the gift warily and unwrapped it. He froze as he saw the contents. Jaw dropped, he picked it up. It was a puppy. A little wiener dog.  
"They're called therapy dogs." Gabriel said proudly.  
"I love him... her... what is it?"  
"It's a he."  
"I love him. I'm calling him Andy."  
Gabriel left the room chuckling.  
"Hey, wait!" Lucifer cried, putting Andy down and running to the hall. He hugged his brother. "Thank you." He said, playing a kiss on his forehead.  
Gabriel smiled. "My pleasure, Luci."


	11. Dean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter about Dean because he needs recognition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not a very funny chapter, next one will also be angsty BUT THEN I PROMISE ITLL BE MORE FUNNY

Dean Winchester had a problem.  
He was starting to not hate Lucifer's presence. Lucifer was a lot like Sam, to be honest. They both did the same thing when scared: nothing. They'd never tell anyone.  
Dean had talked to Lucifer alone, and got no closer to learning what had happened with Michael. He brought it up Lucifer's face contorted into a scowl, but his eyes told a pain unimaginable.  
He was an enjoyable guy, and Andy was alright for a puppy. He got pissed on once, but that damn thing just smiled and lolled onto his back for a belly rub. Hard to get mad at the thing.  
Lucifer had eventually given in to drinking a beer with him, which lead to him getting drunk after the second time. He was a happy drunk until he wasn't, as he joked around for a long while, then he began to cry. He cried about his father, his brothers, and Michael. Cried about all the bad things he'd done.  
Dean never thought he could forgive him, but as Lucifer brought his knees to his chest and buried his face, he had to. He knew what it was like to have a deadbeat dad, not to Lucifer's extent, but enough to really feel bad. So he did what he'd do to Sam. He held him. Lucifer was afraid at first, which was alarming, but after a while his breathing evened out and he relaxed into the embrace.  
One day, when everyone was in one of the larger rooms, Lucifer spoke up.  
Rather, Chuck did.  
Dean wasn't listening, really, but he caught part of it.  
He heard Chuck saying something like. "Isn't it nice when people are honest?"  
Lucifer snapped. He slammed his hands on the table, standing up, and everyone fell silent.  
"You know what happened!" He hollered.  
Chuck was unfazed. "Say it."  
Lucifer's eyes were wild. "You know!" He repeated.  
"I know what could have happened. I don't know what happened really." Chuck went on.  
"I'll tell you what happened!" Lucifer cried. "Michael shoved me against the bars of the Cage and shoved his motherfucking cock into me! Again and again and again!" His voice was shrill and he was nearing tears.  
Gabriel reached out an arm to comfort him, but he slapped it away and ran to his room.  
It all clicked in their heads. Everything Lucifer had said made perfect sense.  
It was diabolical.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also this is a very short chapter LMAO sorry next one won't be as long


End file.
